Dressing Up For Sex - Part 1
Different definitions
Dressing up for sex means different things to different people. But whoever you are, and whatever your relationship is to clothes, lingerie or costumes, it’s worth some attention. In this two part blog post I’ll explore some of the various ways clothes can make the party. It’s not just about sexy lingerie, it’s also about dressing to make yourself feel sexy and it’s about using clothes to set a mood, an era, a scene.
Let’s start with the obvious
People most often think of sexy lingerie when they think of dressing up in the bedroom. And that’s cool. For lots of people that is a big turn on.
Here’s a few pieces of advice when moving in that direction:
If you are buying your honey sexy lingerie, make sure that you have a handle on what turns her/him on.
It feels terrible to buy something and have it rejected, either overtly or subtly. Not only does it feel like a waste of time and money, it also feels like a rejection of what we like, what turns us on and sometimes, even who we are. But if that happens to you, try to remember, your partner's disinterest may be less an expression of their dislike and more an expression of their own discomfort and not being sure how to respond. Here’s my advice, have a conversation about it, outside of the bedroom a few days later when you are both calm and relaxed.
If you are a woman exploring sexy lingerie for the first time try to focus less on what you think your partner finds sexy and more on what makes you feel sexy.
I get that that is counter-intuitive. You want to dress up in something that turns them on. And that is true. But it is also true that there is nothing quite as sexy as someone who feels, acts and wants sexy. And sometimes clothing can help you do that. Many women will talk about how they feel so differently when they put on something that makes them feel sexy. And that ultimately translates into a better sexual encounter than the 10 minutes they are wearing the (fill in the blank: bustier, garter belt, silk teddy, translucent nightgown.
Sexy is as sexy does.
Sometimes there are articles of clothing that might not be inherently considered sexy, but they make you feel sexy. And that is all that matters. If a long Phish T shirt with nothing underneath it feels a bit wild, young, carefree and yes, sexy to you (and your partner doesn’t hate the band), go for it! If unbuttoning an extra button of your blouse at dinner makes you feel sexy, than that is what you are after. There is no one right way to dress sexy. You do you.
Hang in there. In the next blog, I’ll talk about a different kind of dressing for sex… costumes, wigs, things that can transport you to another place or time and maybe free yourself up a bit.
Part 2 coming soon.
Written By
Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus
Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert | Author of Sex Points & Satisfaction Guaranteed: How to Have the Sex You've Always Wanted