Dressing Up for Sex Part II

Now let’s shift gears and talk about a different kind of dressing up for sex. (Check out the last blog entry if you want to see more about classic “sexy dressing” for sex.)

Dressing up can be a powerful tool for creating mystery, excitement and new dynamics in a relationship. If you are skeptical, think about all the novels, stories and movies that have been created around masquerade parties. It’s pretty clear that when you put on a mask, when you look like someone other than yourself, it frees you up to behave differently, to try on a new persona. And that can be extremely powerful when you are trying to move the needle on your sex life. Remember, our erotic selves often do not like to be stagnant, repetitive or predictable.

So here are some thoughts and ideas:

• If you want to go all out, throw a costume party (or a murder mystery night), and invite friends over to share in the fun of dressing up and being someone else. See how that might affect you and your partner later that evening in the bedroom.
• Talk to your partner about what kinds of fantastical costumes might “do it for them.” Spend some time thinking about what types of roles might make you feel different, hot, sexier. Here’s an important place for me to remind you that these are mere fantasies and not realities so don’t judge yourself. If you want to wear all leather and strut  around in thigh high boots and a whip. If it will allow you to free up your wild side in the bedroom, that does not make you a bad person. If you have a geisha fantasy and want to inhabit that in the bedroom, it does not make you a bigot. Fantasies are for fun, for play and for trying on new ways of being. They do not have to reflect how you behave in the real world and you take all the fun and exploration out of them when you put them to that test. Don’t.
• You don’t have to go crazy if time and or expense seem like an obstacle. Consider “parts” of costumes: a different color wig, glasses and different hairstyle (sexy librarian anyone?).  Did any of you watch the TV show Glow (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling)? We can talk about that show another time. So much to say. But I want to point out the “part” they each embodied. The costumes were ridiculous (and ridiculously simple) but they played out a part in the rink, each one learning something about herself in the meantime. Dressing up may allow you to learn something about yourself as well.

So there you have it. I encourage you to go out and experiment in larger ways or smaller ways. 

Dressing up can have a powerful impact on your sex life. Why not try it?

I have so much more information about this in my book Satisfaction Guaranteed. You may want to check it out!