How can you tell if you are sexually compatible with someone?

I hear it all the time. How do I know if I am sexually compatible with someone? Do I need to have had sex (intercourse) with them in order to know for sure?


My answer is no. No, you don’t need to have oral sex, intercourse or any other kind of sex to know if you are compatible. Since people are constantly changing, there is nothing that really can guarantee long-term compatibility. However, there are some basic indicators that you can look for as “guide posts”.


Top 3 Tips:   

  1. You find their scent appealing:  Since there is no logic behind sexual attraction, it is not well understood. But there is something about body chemistry, be it pheromones or something still undiscovered, that lets you know pretty quickly if there is basic attraction to this person. Without this basic attraction, it is hard to weather the ups and downs of a long-term, physical relationship. You’ll never be able to talk yourself into attraction, but if their smell is appealing, that is a good sign this person might be good for you. 
  2. You like the way they kiss. It’s time we realize that a soulmate isn’t solely determined by communication or non-physical relationship criteria. When was it decided that being verbal in a relationship is more important than being physical?  Finding pleasure in your partner's kiss, is a good sign this person is a good contender for long term compatibility.
  3. You agree on your sex life as a couple. You’ve made clear to each other, what you want in your sex life. (At least for now).  Let’s face it, if you don’t agree on the basics, you’re relationship will not last.  If one person’s idea of a good sex life is having sex once a week, primarly in the bedroom and the other person’s idea is having sex twice a day, regular threesomes or stead visits to sex clubs, the compatibilty isn’t there.  It’s important to have the conversation early about what a good sex life looks like to you and your partner. If you find your expectations or needs are developing and changing, make it clear to your partner that you want to explore those needs. 


These are some simple, basic signs that will help you decide if you are sexually attracted to someone. Let’s stop the stigma that physical reactions lack significance or are merely temporary. A strong physical relationship can be a huge determinant of a strong, long-term prognosis in a relationship.


If you’re looking for something long term, look for these indicators early and it can help you understand if you are compatible and maybe even help you decide if you should move forward in your relationship.



Written By

Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus

Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert  |  Author of Sex Points & Satisfaction Guaranteed: How to Have the Sex You've Always Wanted