The Case For Vibrators


Vibrators have taken a bad rap.

Truthfully, they can be the most useful and easy tool in a woman’s sexual arsenal. And yet, vibrators have been relegated to the sidelines. Is it because sometimes women think of them as “kinky?” Is it because women are afraid that the use of a vibrator will make their partner feel inadequate? Is it because women feel like there is something wrong with them if they use a vibrator? Is it because they are afraid that they will become dependent on a vibrator?

The reality is that vibrators are not “kinky,” (whatever kinky is…frankly I haven’t heard a great definition for it; mostly it seems to be a word used for something you haven’t really tried yet) and there is nothing “wrong” with a woman who uses one.


Vibrators aren’t just for masturbation.

They are often used in partner sex as well, either before intercourse, after intercourse, or instead of intercourse.

The bottom line is that a vibrator can give a longer, stronger level of stimulation than a hand, a mouth or a penis can. Here’s one of my favorite statistics (and once you hear it from me, I promise it will start to blink at you from everywhere) 30% of women can have an orgasm from a penis in the vagina alone. 70–80% of women can have an orgasm from a hand or a mouth. And a whopping 94% can have one with a vibrator.


For some women, a vibrator is just necessary.

As they get older it becomes harder to have an orgasm and the vibrator makes it easier (or possible.) Because having an orgasm is so much easier for them, many women in this situation talk about how “it takes the stress out.” Some of them describe a situation where during sex they had been so focused on “getting to the orgasm” and “what happens if I don’t have one?” that it had taken the fun out of sex and the vibrator let them relax and enjoy themselves. Here’s some advice: If you are in this category of women, use the vibrator when you are having sex with your partner, it will make the sex more fun and less stressful. Your partner won’t have to “work so hard,” you won’t feel so guilty for making your partner “keep at it,” and your orgasms will probably be stronger.


For some, it’s just easier and faster.

And you know what, for whatever reason easier and faster may be important at this time in their life. (Ever try having sex after you put your 2-year-old to bed and before your newborn wakes up for a feeding? Trust me, it gives new meaning to the term “quickly”). And for some women, a vibrator is just plain fun!

And don’t tell me that a vibrator is “unnatural.” Phooey! So is the electric light bulb. We don’t live our lives by candlelight in an attempt to “remain natural.” Use the vibrator if you like it.


So… what’s stopping us?

The bottom line is that vibrators make having orgasms so much easier and in many cases more intense. They also may make it possible for many women to have more than one orgasm. So if you think you fall into any one of these categories, go back and dust off your old vibrator. Or go find yourself a new one, and have fun!!


I have so much more information about this in my book Satisfaction Guaranteed. You may want to check it out.



Written By

Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus

Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert  |  Author of Sex Points & Satisfaction Guaranteed: How to Have the Sex You've Always Wanted