The Project of keeping Your Sex Life Alive - Part I


The woman who edited my dissertation Kristy Lin Belluni once told me the following:

“When I was a teenager, I used to babysit my cousins so my aunt and uncle could go out and have sex in the back of their minivan. I remember hanging out with my aunt while she prepared for one such outing. She lined the van’s backend with blankets and spritzed it with Calvin Klein’s Obsession. She raised one eyebrow at me and said, “Don’t tell your mom this is what we do when you babysit.” Because of my aunt, I learned early on that keeping a sexual relationship alive meant putting effort into having sex, making a place for it, even in the busiest of times.


When I was a teenager and a twenty-something, my biggest sexual problem was space. For me, “not supposed to have sex” meant I had sex in cars, campers, dark rooms, dugouts, and broom closets.


I remember that place-focused sex fondly. For a lot of people, the tension around sex you’re not supposed to be having, the tension that causes you to have sex in crazy places, makes sex exciting. Maybe that’s why there’s a juicy cocktail called Sex on the Beach and why people like to boast membership in “the mile-high club.” 


Tension can make sex more exciting, but the effort to create space for sex makes it pretty awesome too.

You don’t have to be hiding your sex life from your kids or your parents or anyone to put some thought and effort into where you have sex.


In my next blog post, I’ll talk about ways to actually make Space for Sex. Stay Tuned.




Written By

Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus

Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert  |  Author of Sex Points & Satisfaction Guaranteed: How to Have the Sex You've Always Wanted