First dates can be daunting. They can be crazy making. Here are my top tips for making it… not easy…but maybe just a little bit better.

Set realistic expectations for the date. It’s tempting to envision yourself walking down the aisle, but just keep reminding yourself that the goal of THIS date is just to have a nice hour or two and get to know the person more, and let them get to know you. Try not to put too large implications or expectations on it. 

Dress in something that makes you feel attractive and, more importantly, comfortable.

I know it’s tempting to pull out all the stops and go all-out siren, but really, it’s way more important to wear something that makes you feel like you, happy, comfortable and real. You’ll relax and be able to enjoy yourself and actually pay attention to the conversation rather than the tight waist, loose strap, heels that kill, etc.

Fantasize about having a wonderful time – envision yourself walking to the location, meeting up, chatting, eating, laughing. Imagine yourself having a fun time and being present and engaged. It’s astonishing how much of a confidence boost that can give you. And, people talk about it giving them a sense of relief. On some level they have done it already and it’s gone well.

 Take care of the part of you that’s scared and nervous, don’t just try to send it away. Take the time to ask that part what it’s scared of and take it seriously. You have a right to be nervous. If you can, just listen and maybe reassure the part of you that is so nervous, that the grown-up you will be there also and take care of it. Don’t try to tell that part that it has nothing to worry about or is being silly. It’s scared of real things! It’s scared of looking incompetent, pathetic. It’s scared of rejections or any other of a host of things. That part of you is not crazy.  Just let it know that you get it. It’s okay. You will be there too to hold it’s hand.

 Focus on being present, rather than the outcome If you can, at any given moment on the date, just stop, take a beat, look around and breathe. It’s okay. You are here right now and what is happening at this moment is truly all that matters. Focus on what the person with you is asking or saying. Pay attention to that, rather than the next thing you might want to say. Sit with a moment or two of silence. It’s okay. Whatever happens on this date, if you stay present, you will feel more relaxed and open to the possibilities. And you may even have some fun.

 And finally, assume that the person you are out with is also feeling some nerves. First dates are awkward for everyone, no matter how comfortable they seem. So if you focus on how they may be feeling, it will make it much easier to get out of your own head. Have a bit of empathy for them, because, after all, you definitely have an inkling of what they might be experiencing. And nothing makes a date go better than having people who are focused on making the other comfortable.

 Let me know if you have more tips you have used to tackle first date anxiety.

I have so much more information about this in my book Satisfaction Guaranteed. You may want to check it out!