Women’s sexual egos can be a bit fragile…
here goes...
I am a staunch feminist. I really am. So I’m having a little trouble with what I’m about to write, but I think it’s true so I’m gonna go for it anyhow.
who's more fragile?
I think women’s sexual egos are more fragile than men’s and I think women get much more easily put off and hurt when their partners rebuff their sexual advances then men do. Admittedly, I don’t have any statistics to back this up (which always bothers me.) But I do have hundreds of women in my practice and I am always struck by how hurt the women are when they approach their partners and try to initiate sex and for some reason are turned down. Now the reason they are turned down could be as benign as “I have a backache” or even “I’m exhausted honey.” Yet, somehow, many women still feel terrible, almost as even their very existence as a sexual being has been slighted.
self perceptions are powerful
Before I am attacked please let me clarify that not ALL women react this way and there are indeed some men who have the same reactions. However, from my non-scientific, but fairly wide, sample the women seem to be the more fragile. In part I think this may be to do with societal norms which say men are always up for sex, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. While this is bogus, many women have integrated it into their thinking.
I think it may also have to do with how hard women are on their self perceptions of their body. If their partner doesn’t want to have sex, they assume it is because they are not attractive or sexy enough. So if their partner doesn’t want sex… it MUST be them, right?
Which leads to a few thoughts:
- Maybe that’s why women are less likely to initiate. It hurts more when they are turned down and
- You, partners out there, may want to be extremely sensitive, loving and caring when you rebuff an advance from the woman in your life, especially if you want future ones.
I have so much more information about this in my book Satisfaction Guaranteed. You may want to check it out!
Written By
Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus
Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert | Author of Sex Points & Satisfaction Guaranteed: How to Have the Sex You've Always Wanted