If I Never Had Sex Again I’d Be Perfectly Happy! What’s Wrong With Me?

The first secret is that you are not alone. I see it ALL the time, manifesting in different kinds of ways, but it’s all much the same.

“I’m too tired.” “I’m bored.” “I’m kinda angry at you.” or… “I don’t even know what the problem is Bat Sheva, but I just don’t WANT to have sex with them!” I totally get it. And I want you to know that often this lack of desire seems insurmountable. It looms so large and it feels like you will never be able to fix it. But that is simply not true.

Clients who usually feel like this go into the same tailspins: Maybe I married the wrong person. Maybe I’ve just become an asexual person. Maybe I just don’t love them anymore. Is this all there is to my life?

But really, often fixing your low libido just means changing the way you think about sex. Maybe that sounds too simple but frankly I have seen mindset changes dramatically impact couples' sex lives. We carry around so many (absurd) myths about sex: it is something we will WANT spontaneously, we should get turned on by our partners, we need to learn to be relaxed and fully present to have sex. Honestly, if I ever heard a recipe for a non-existent sex life, it would include those three ingredients alone.

When you start thinking about sex differently, when you start getting real about sex and having the right expectations, your sex life often starts falling into place in a way you never anticipated. I talk about this a lot in my course Curing the Low Libido Bedroom. I have watched so many couples change the way they think about sex and slowly but surely that low libido turns around. It’s not magical nor herculean, it’s just logical and practical. But it’s up to you to make it happen.