Can Good Sex Actually Help Your Relationship?

Well, obviously, I think so.

There's some fascinating research suggesting that marriages with good sex tend to be happier overall. But now comes the big question: which came first, the great relationship or the fantastic sex? As a sex therapist, I can tell you it's not as simple as picking one or the other. It's a bit like pondering the age-old riddle of the chicken and the egg - both have a role to play!

You know, it's kind of funny how our society often forgets that sex can actually create greater intimacy. Instead, we've bought into this idea that intimacy leads to good sex. But let's be real here - it can work both ways.

Imagine this scenario: you and your partner are having some sexual hiccups, and you decide to see a couple's counselor. More often than not, they'll suggest focusing on the rest of the relationship and working on communication, with the promise that the good sex will follow. But guess what? It doesn't always go as planned!

Here's another curious thing I've noticed - there's a subtle bias against using sex to create intimacy. People tend to criticize “but the sex was so good in the relationship” or “one of the things I love about him/her is how they smell.”

As someone in the field, I can vouch for the fact that sex seriously affects relationships - big time! It might sound hard to believe, but I've seen many relationships improve drastically when the sex got better. Good sex brings intimacy, joy, and acceptance into the picture. It makes people feel loved and appreciated.  Now, don't get me wrong - I'm all about respecting personal boundaries. Nobody should be pressured into anything they're not comfortable with. But here's a thought: even when you're feeling neutral or a bit down, giving sex a shot might actually be a good thing. Because truth be told, sex in a relationship can be a real game-changer!

Picture this scenario: you come home to find your partner left dishes in the sink, socks on the floor, and a wet towel on the bed. If you've recently had some great sex, you'd probably just laugh it off and take care of the mess. But if it's been a while since you had sex, well, you might be tempted to use those socks as a weapon! Yikes!

But here's the exciting part - sex can be like the magical glue that binds a couple together, turning them from mere roommates into a power couple.It sets the stage for better communication, trust, and openness. Seriously, good sex just makes everything in a marriage better.

So instead of thinking that sex is only for expressing intimacy that's already there, why not view it as a tool to reignite or recreate that intimacy? Sometimes, couples get caught up in complex issues and spend years working them out, when focusing on the sexual aspect could be the key to their happiness.

And hey, here's a friendly reminder - don't quickly dismiss the idea of sex just because you're not in the mood or things have been a bit tense with your partner lately. Sex might just be the missing piece that helps heal and strengthen your intimacy. I've seen it work wonders with countless clients, and it's definitely worth a shot.

(And read more in my book: Satisfaction Guaranteed: How to Have The Sex You’ve Always Wanted.)


Written By

Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus

Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert  |  Author of Sex Points & Satisfaction Guaranteed: How to Have the Sex You've Always Wanted