Can We Ditch the Term Foreplay? Really?
I really have a problem with the term foreplay. And quite honestly, if you slow down to ask yourself what that means, I’m sure you will feel the same way.
Let’s start by asking a basic question… when you think about it, is oral sex foreplay? Or is it sex? Is using hands or fingers on or in your partner foreplay? Or is it actually sex? Honestly, when forced to give a definition of foreplay, people usually struggle until they come up with the idea that everything besides intercourse is foreplay.
Wait, what????
Using the term foreplay for everything other than intercourse is doing yourself and your partner a HUGE disservice.
It puts intercourse into a “primary category” with everything else as second best. This is ridiculous if you think about it because:
- Many women don’t find intercourse their preferred way of having sex. There are any number of women (and some men) who would trade intercourse for oral sex. (Not that you should have to.)
- Really now. Does that mean lesbians are never “having sex”?
- Many couples have temporary times in their lives when they can’t have intercourse for a variety of reasons (pregnancy issues, menopausal issues, erection problems) and they still can have fabulous ongoing sex lives in many other ways, unless you degrade it by calling it all “foreplay.”
- Bottom line, It devalues a whole host of other ways of having sex – hands, mouth, toys and the other 50 body parts you could use. They are all GREAT WAYS to have sex.
So let’s do each other a favor and stop calling other (non-intercourse) types of sex “just foreplay.” Go ahead. Have sex any way you want!
I have so much more information about this in my book Satisfaction Guaranteed. You may want to check it out!
Written By
Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus
Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert | Author of Sex Points & Satisfaction Guaranteed: How to Have the Sex You've Always Wanted