Ok everyone get ready for another myth busting piece. Is longer always better? You know what we are talking about here. Right?  And NO. I’m not doing another harangue on penis length, I promise. 

This one has to do with time. There seems to be a prevalent myth out there that women always want men who can last longer. And often, there is also a myth that a good sexual experience is a long sexual experience. 

HMMMMM…let’s break this down. The average time that a penis usually spends in a vagina before ejaculating is 3-5 minutes. (The more you know!) I know, this often throws people into a tailspin when they hear this. Actually, it’s often the guys who are stunned by this statistic, not the women. But it’s true. You can take my word for this.

Also, fun fact: as men get older they can last longer. But here’s what I hear from female patients, who are the norm. Anything up to 10 minutes can be great. After that, their vagina’s can get irritated.

Again, I am talking about the norm. Sure there are women out there who want to go at it for 30 minutes. Sure there are women who get irritated after 1 minute (although, if that is you, sweetie, you might want to ask your doctor for help…that should be treatable if it’s a problem for you) However, really and truly, most women do not want a penis in their vagina for 30 minutes. It doesn’t feel good. It’s exhausting. 

Now, that doesn’t mean that sex has to be over in 10 minutes…if you spend 20 minutes rubbing up against different body parts, having oral sex and using each other’s hands then when the man is good and ready he puts his penis in the vagina, 3-5 minutes should be plenty in there! And that is a good time! 

But now let’s talk about the second element, how long a sexual encounter should be.

Again, I often hear from my female clients that they feel like something is wrong with them if they like 15-20 minute sexual encounters. They feel that they should want to “have sex” for 45 minutes, or an hour. But in my experience, when you maintain a long term sex life, when your sex drive isn’t what it used to be. When you sometimes struggle with low desire, or you and your partner have different schedules in mind, then expecting shorter sexual encounters can be incredibly helpful. I often say that sex, like many things in life, involves a cost/benefit analysis. And honestly, when you can have some fun, connection and relaxation in 20 minutes and don’t need to devote an hour to it, that feels incredibly liberating.  

 However, as always, talk. Talk.Talk. Talk. See what your partner wants. Communicate what you want. And lastly, thank goodness we don’t live in “average.”

Don't let your journey end here! If you're looking for more insights and solutions, grab a copy of my book, Satisfaction Guaranteed, or schedule a free 10-minute consultation to explore your next steps. Also check out my new course Curing the Low Libido Bedroom. Designed to help you reignite desire and reclaim intimacy. Your satisfaction starts today!