I can’t tell you how many couples I see where the problem is that there is a significant disparity between the amount of sex they want and the amount that their partner wants.  So often this leads to  significant feelings  of guilt, anger and shame. And that can stress a relationship.

I often hear that women feel that they are “broken” and that something is very wrong with them because their male partner wants more sex than they do, and sometimes they start to feel like they don’t even want it at all!.

Actually, it’s “normal” to have a different level of desire than your partner. After all, you are two different people.  It is also common for desire to wax and wane over time.  The truth is if you learn to think about sex a bit differently and you are given some practical “tools” you’d be amazed at how much the situation can change.  It is important to remember that often women with “low desire” might actually not have low desire, but what they might not have is spontaneous desire, desire that kicks in spontaneously with no outside help from you.  The same woman might still have great responsive desire, “where your desire is in response to something.”  Your creative powers can come into play regarding responsive desire. Writing a sexual menu of activities you are interested in doing or exploring, things you are curious about, and things you are not interested in pursuing, is a great tool. You can also just create a yes/no/maybe list. 

Sometimes, just tweaking the time for sexual activity can be a game changer. Making the decision to be intimate, rather than waiting until both of you are in the mood, can save you a lifetime of waiting and wanting.

Not only is knowing this a key to start changing things, but understanding that this is normal and common can also help the feelings of brokenness and shame. Like any other area of sex, understanding your body, what is happening with your partner and getting key pieces of information will empower you, increase sexual confidence and help you create the sex life you want.

Don't let your journey end here! If you're looking for more insights and solutions, grab a copy of my book, Satisfaction Guaranteed, or schedule a free 10-minute consultation to explore your next steps. Also check out my new course Curing the Low Libido Bedroom. Designed to help you reignite desire and reclaim intimacy. Your satisfaction starts today!